I place you in sauna, once your are sufficenty sweaty I then throw your almost naked body onto the metal floor of a freezer kept at -40 degrees Celcius
once your sweat has you stuck to the floor, i lift you up,, ripping your skin of in the process, from there I squeez fresh lemon juice onto your back then bury you in salt
wait. i didnt do that, but I will if the ego contest doesnt pass round 1 again
I replaced your coffee with hydrocloric acid